Grump

Just a short post about the last few days because once again M.E is surprising me in new ways, how generous of it? Wow I have been grumpy these past few days. My sleeping pattern is all over the shop, mostly during the day though to be fair and it is driving me a little bit bonkers. Again I have been kept awake throughout the night in horrible pain in my legs and back, which makes it impossible to relax enough to fall asleep. So I have been mostly trying to get some sleep when I can or I'm just so exhausted that I have no choice in the matter.

Since starting these tablets neurontin I have also been feeling quite nauseous but it's hard to tell if that's just the tablets or that I am overly tired as well and not eating very well. M.E really does mess up your whole body. It feels like you try to deal with one thing but then something else rears it's ugly head. It is a non stop vicious cycle. Lately I have also been hypersensitive and not in the crying at the drop of a hat hypersensitive way, although I have been close to tear on a few occasions where I've not had enough sleep and I'm just lying in an exhausted heap. It feels as though all my senses are just on overload. Obviously there is the pain but one minute I am sweating like a pig and the next I am freezing cold. I have become so sensitive to the cold that I have had to wear long pyjama bottoms and socks in bed. The other night I had a pair of 3/4 length pyjama bottoms on and my legs were really cold. It wasn't even a cold night. But because they were so cold it made my legs stiffen up and hurt all the more and just that sensation of being cold was keeping me awake. It's weird. I've never had that before, not even in winter. My hearing too has been on over drive, everything just sounds 10 times louder than it usually would. It hasn't helped that my next door neighbours daughter is moving house and they have been packing and moving and slamming doors for 2 days from 7am. Then tonight they decided to have a party next door. Ahhh have it in your new house!!! See I am a grumpy bum. Of course they should be celebrating and it wasn't all that late. Then at the same time there was fireworks going on over the road. Honestly I was ready to just break down. What an absolute party pooper. If I could walk better and wasn't on my last legs with exhaustion I would have had the mind to go round there and just cry in their faces. Oh dear me. I very rarely get like that, only if  I have one of those really bad migraines where the whole world must stop and be quiet but for the last few days there has been times where I thought people were out to get me. Even the fridge! Honestly it has been so loud, well what I am perceiving to be really loud at the moment that last night I thought that someone was playing really loud music. When I went to investigate and found out it was the fridge I was a bit shocked and slightly embarassed.

At times my heart has felt like it has been racing too and just thumping in my chest, mostly when I am disgustingly tired though. But how are you supposed to sleep when whenever you lie down you can hear your pulse in your ears and your chest is jumping. It's impossible. Then you get all the more frustrated and tired and your pulse quickens. It really is a vicious circle and can be really scary. Especially when you have'nt experienced that symptom before.

It just goes to show I guess how much we need to sleep healthily. It really does affect us in strange ways and turns us into people we do not recognise. Then add that into the mix with M.E and who knows what you're going to get. Everyday  is different and a learning curve and when you start to experience something new it's easy to feel like you are right back at square one or just curse "what now?" And when you are overly tired it just becomes even worse.  However onwards and upwards with the fight. At least I can laugh now at my Diva strops at the fridge. "How dare it?!"