Body confidence

 

Last week I spoke about ending the awkward when it came to interacting with disabled people. Today I'm saying end the awkward with yourself. Today I want to post about body confidence. Confidence takes time and is rather like a plant it needs to be nutured and given patience as it grows. It also needs constant reassurance and care. It's a process. One that will soar at times but also be knocked down at others. But for me I think body confidence does not just stem from having the body of a model (and we know that model bodies aren't representative of real bodies); but also having a healthy relationship with your head/mind. Yes I'm talking mental health.

 As I said in my body image post sometimes it's our psychology and thoughts that are the last thing to change when we are actively trying to change our body shape. So used are we to being negative about our bodies and perhaps suffering from low self esteem. Comparing ourselves to others, especially what we see in magazines and on tv. 

 

Personally, I have suffered from low self esteem and lacked confidence for much of my later teens. My relationship to my body though was pretty non plussed. I didn't particularly care what I looked like and didn't have much knowledge of what fashions suited my body shape. To be honest I think it was due to me trying to maintain good mental health. So focused was I on trying to be happy and find new goals. I spoke in my body image post about having to stop athletics and horse riding and I could only manage a few hours of school a week. So life felt completely flipped upside down as did my confidence. To be honest I was angry that my body no longer worked as it had. So my concerns were more based on wanting a body that worked not how it looked.

Of course I'm very much in a similar position now. I would love my body to work better and not be so broken. But at the same time I'm appreciative of the things my body does let me do. And I take more of an interest now into my appearance. Not in a pinching the flab and wrapping a tape measure around my waist every day kind of way. But in dressing up and making an effort with my appearance when I can. Now I love to buy clothes and to experiment more with my style. I used to have to dress all in black and be more masculine in my combats and steel toe caps for work but now my wardrobe is really girly. If you saw my holiday lookbook you'll see that I  love floral prints and dresses. 

 

Not long ago I met my new hairdresser who is just an amazing lady. As well as working freelance she also has set up a salon in a local mental health ward. She teaches the ladies and men there that sometimes taking pride and care into our physical appearance can make a difference to our mental state. They can pop in to the salon for a bit of pampering  or learn how to do their own hair and make up. It might sound trivial and I know at the darkest points of mental illness appearance takes no presidence, but for people in recovery it's yet another tool to add to help you get better. Sometimes it's as simple as having someone there and giving you attention. She's been in talks to set up similar schemes in other units.

So as much as people focus on making physical changes it's just as important, if not more so, to focus on the mental aspects. If reading magazines slating peoples bodies depresses you then stop reading them. If you hate going to the gym then don't go. Find a way to exercise that you enjoy and makes you feel good. It might be riding a bike or it might be pole dancing. The point is enjoy getting the body you want (if that's what you want). 

 

Obviously for my chronic illness friends who find themselves unable to exercise but don't feel particularly body confident then work on building your confidence in other ways. Try to eat healthily, give your body the right nutrients. Wear your favourite clothes. Pamper yourself. Just painting your nails can give you a little lift. Or a slick of lippy. Lipstick Tuesday anyone? Okay it won't change your body shape but you'll be a bit happier about it. At the moment I feel like I've put on a bit of weight with needing to spend more time in bed. I can tell by how tight some of my clothes have become. But what can I expect when doing even less? And it's important to keep eating for energy, as you already have precious little of it. I like to remember that my body has a lot to contend with, every day it hurts in some way and feels attacked. So knowing it's going through a hard time I don't like to mentally torture it too. The same goes for any Mum's out there who's bodies have changed after child birth. Remember the amazing things that your body has done. It's carried a baby and provided somewhere safe for them to grow until they were ready to be born. Your body has nurtured them whilst in the womb and perhaps afterwards if you have breast fed your child. 

So everybody your homework is to focus on being happy. Not all the time obviously. Being sad is okay too. But learn to be happy within your self and who you are. If you can do that you are doing yourself a big favour. 

Sian x

All images are from Pinterest

Models of Diversity



photo source

  

In the wake of London Fashion Week what better time to talk fashion. In my post on body image, which you can read here. I mentioned an organization called Models of diversity. As their name suggests, Models of Diversity, are campaigning for the use of more diverse models in the fashion and advertising industries. Calling for more equality on our catwalks and in magazines. They are saying that the fashion industry needs to be more representative of a larger cross section of society. And there are so many cultures, ethnicities and lifestyles that are not represented fairly, even today in an age where we are educated about racism and political correctness.

photo source

I don't often read magazines now, but when I do it strikes me that more diverse models seem to be used as a 'token gesture' almost, and I do hate using that phrase. But it does almost appear like 'oh we've added a black model in to the mix to avoid any claims we're not an equal opportunities employer.' It's something I think a lot of brands are doing. And let's face it it's a pretty lazy way to tackle diversity. Because yes, diversity is about colour but it's about much much more than that. In an interview click to view male model Rob Evans says that it's only ever the same faces too and that he can visit various casting agencies and only see 2 black models on their books. He admits that because of his colour he was held back from many castings. He explains that in Brazil they have a policy of 50/50 casting. However the issue in his own words is that Brazil is not known as a fashion capital. More diversity needs to be shown on the catwalks of New York, Milan, Paris and London in order to make a real change. These are the shows that have the most influence. In a recent vlog Youtuber Tanya Burr said that she loved London Fashion Week because you could look around and everyone was so different. After all London itself is a melting pot of diversity. But is that being reflected on the catwalk, really?

The founder of Models of Diversity, Angel Sinclair (seen above) asks 'Where are the models of colour? The bigger models? The shorter models? The models with a disability? The older models?' and has established the organization to help make the fashion, beauty and marketing worlds more diverse places. A place where more consumers can identify themselves. With the ultimate aim 'to change the face of fashion and modelling.'

Angel, herself was inspired to start Models of Diversity after appearing on Gok Wan's Miss Naked Beauty and being surrounded by beauty in many, many forms. She noticed a clear contrast in what we perceive to be beautiful and what the magazines and fashion industries tell us is beautiful. And so Models of Diversity was born. They strongly believe in getting the publics opinion and asking them what they want to see on the catwalks and magazines and transferring that information into the fashion industries.

But where does the blame lie? With the designers? With the model agencies? Or casting directors? The following video is a CNN intervew with Iman, discussing the issue and how she thinks there needs to be a radical change in the Fashion industry. I think each of them has a responsibility to make the changes. However if the model agencies do not have more diverse models on their books, like Rob Evans pointed out, then the casting directors and designers don't have the choice available to them. Likewise if a model agency does not send their models to castings.

photo source

Whilst Models of Diversity recognise the need for more diveristy in fashion and modelling, they also understand that modelling on a professional scale is not for everyone. It takes a certain skill set and creativity. It is the same with an profession. But what Models of Diversity are saying is that if you have that potential then being more culturally diverse should not impact whether you get the job. And Models of Diversity are there to support aspiring models on their journey with training and test shoots. As well as promoting these models in the hope that agencies, casting directors, marketing executives and designers will take notice. As well as telling these models that they can be beautiful/ sexy/ glamorous. Building their confidence; which in itself is important, when they are used to thinking they are different and not seeing themselves represented in magazines and other advertising. In an interview on Sky News (which you can view here), model and director for disabled models at Models of Diversity, Chelsey Jay, explained that it's hard and isolating to be young but to not see yourself represented.

With the fashion industries, media and magazines being so powerful in their influence on so many people, especially young people seeing more diversity and widening the perception on beauty and attractiveness then perhaps more tolerance and understanding will stem from that. As well as inspiring more confidence in lots of men and women that feel they are not beautiful because they do not look like the models in the magazines. Now wouldn't that be nice?

To find out more about Models of Diversity visit their website, view plenty more videos of their events, campaigns and catwalks on Angel's youtube channel. Stay tuned for another Models of Diversity post on here soon.

Sian x

Body image

As I think I have mentioned just a few times I am off on my holidays soon, huzzah! I know for so many people the thought of going on a Summer holiday can really make them self conscious and send them into a panic about needing to look their best. And yes looking your best whilst on holiday can make you feel fantastic. However being too hung up about revealing your body on the beach can really eat away at people. For months now my feeds have been full of statuses about 'getting a bikini body' and it's the same every year. As well as plenty of statuses about how much they need to deprive themselves. And a lot of the time it's from the most gorgeous looking of girls.

To be honest it makes me feel a little bit sad. I look at them and think "look at you, you're stunning." But that's kind of the point; we will always judge ourselves more than anyone else will. It's just something we all do. Which I think is very naughty of our brains really. And so every year we see these statuses, or we hear our friends talking about what they're cutting out (sometimes literally) in order to look 'acceptable' on the beach.

What's worrying is that people will turn to fads and unhealthy solutions long before they will even consider eating healthier or excercising (M.E folk you know I don't mean you when I say the e word.) I swear if I get one more friend request from people selling juice plus! Gah! Juice Plus will not change my life. Changing our thinking habits just might though.

I know some people might say "oh well that's easy for you to say, you're slim," but again that's projecting this image of what we think a beach body is. In my early teens when I stopped running and horse riding from cysts on my ovaries and problems with my bowels I put on quite a lot of weight. I look back now and think "jeez, I had no idea I was that big." But in a way that's a good thought, because it means that at the time I wasn't constantly bullying myself that I no longer had a six pack. The only time I remember being affected by it was ringing up to say I couldn't do a youth theatre thing and them saying "oh is that big Sian." Ouch! And that was me completely done with them. But I lost the weight as a bi-product of being able to do more as my illness improved and over a few years; not because of that comment. 

A few years ago the round table came round our neighbourhood with Father Christmas on his sleigh and when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I replied that I wanted a new body. He said "but why when you're beautiful". Well thank you but what I would like is a body that worked much better. Because when you are chronically ill and disabled you start to appreciate your body on a whole new level. Your focus is more on how your body works and how much I guess you took for granted just what a good job it was doing. As I have said, health is wealth. A healthy body allows you to have everyday adventures and things we consider basic like walking around the shops, driving, playing with our children. You start to think "who cares what my body looks like when I'd rather it still could do those things."  And other than the fact it doesn't work properly I'm pretty happy with my body. In fact I'm just happy, even with all the rubbish I face every moment of every day.

Often people work so hard to lose weight or tone up but the last thing they do is change their thinking. Someone who has lost weight might still look in the mirror and still see their old shape. Often we don't fully appreciate it until someone else comments on it. Which in a way is sad as this is the body you've been telling yourself you wanted. Our thinking though is still so used to looking in the mirror and being negative or focusing in on what we think are our problem areas, that we can't switch off from that. So if you do want to lose weight, tone up or even if you feel you need to gain weight look at ways to monitor that change and adapt your thinking.

I also want to share this link to an article in Cosmopolitan UK about a woman having the confidence to wear a bikini after an emergency surgery to remove her spleen. It's motivational stuff, so do give it a look dont-apologise-wear-bikini. And recently I have seen a few similar stories floating around on social media. I read one last night about a group of young people insulting a woman who was sunbathing and had stretch marks on her belly. She of course got upset that people would so blatantly insult her. However the post was about how in fact she was proud of her body. Those stretch marks were as a result of pregnancy and reminded her of the wonder of having children and how much joy that bought her. Then there are the stories about Instagram deleting bikini photos for not being deemed attractive; read more here. The rise of people showing off their feeding tubes and bags and sharing them on social media, which personally I think is great for awareness of stomach and inflammatory bowel conditions, you go ladies and gents! Then of course there was the stories about photos being removed of women that had had mastectomies, around the time of breast cancer awareness month. Where it seemed a no make up selfie was deemed a sufficient way to promote breast cancer care and awareness but not cancer patients showing that they are still beautiful despite all the horrors they faced. Celebrate your bodies ladies! 

So my message is simple. Love your bodies. Look after them, treat them well. And if you do want to make a change then do so out of love not hate and do so healthily. I'm going to leave you with some positive quotes to help motivate you and hopefully I will do more posts on body confidence soon. Cue lots of shameless holiday snaps!

Be good to yourselves

Sian x