Psychobabble continued

So today I am going to talk about some of my experiences with psychiatry. Like I said in my last post, Psychobabble, my post about Karina Hansen made me recall some of these memories. Unfortunately not very pleasant ones. I have blogged a few times about my mental health and have linked to these at the bottom of this post. I am not ashamed to do so, more people need to talk about mental health to try and stop it from being a naughty word, in the same vein as other invisible illnesses. However as we have heard many stories are negative ones.

My first experience of psychiatry was when I was around 15, due to depression brought on by ill health. I was a perfectly happy and liked teenager, always on the go, I got good grades, was in the top sets for all my subjects, went horse riding every weekend and was a very promising sprinter, competing most weekends. Then all that changed when I was hospitalized with severe abdominal pain, which months later (of course) they found out was an ovarian cyst. I spent those months curled up around a hot water bottle in agony. The pain killers I was given, ibruprofen, also contributed to more long term stomach problems but it wasn't until months later that I found out it was more than likely I had chronic IBS too. Cue more tests. Anyway, long story short I was in horrible pain everyday, my life as I had known it completely changed and I hated it, I grieved for it.

There is a certain saying that people will only let you be sick for so long, unless it's cancer or life threatening, before they start to lack understanding and this is how I felt. On days, or half days that I could manage school, I noticed how much had changed and people had moved on. Not deliberately of course, it is just a fact of life. I was no longer in on the inside jokes or gossip. The places where I used to sit having been filled by other people. I found it incredibley difficult. I was always really embarrassed and paranoid by my condition. It all took it's toll on me and I became depressed and experienced panic attacks. My GP referred me to councelling at NCH, National Children's Home, but when I told my consultant they sent me to a children's psychiatrist.

I remember going there and it was a bad symptom day, which was in part due to nerves. The buiding was old, with bars on the windows and his office was more like an old study or how you 'd expect Sigmund Freud's office to look. A place that did not seem to promote well being, in fact it added to my nerves. Had I been any younger I think I'd have been screaming, thinking I was about to be locked up. As he was asking questions I began to sense that the implication was that my physical condition was being manifested in my head. Something that became very obvious when he said that the way in which I was curled up on the sofa with my hot water bottle, or clenching at my stomach whilst on the toilet in pain was affecting my mood. Well yes it was affecting my mood, but it was not causing me to be depressed. He said that if I sat upright that I would be in a better mood, as though that was all it took for me to feel better. At this point, having the advantage of being able to distinguish sound advise from a load of crock (to put it mildly) I knew that I wasn't being taken seriously, nor was I going to get the help from him that I had wanted. I also asked for my Mum to come into the room, to help give her perspective and also because I kept needing to rush off. This was met with some reluctance. The implication being that if I was away from my parents that I would open up more, that I could talk freely. Because of course all depressed children clearly have abusive parents. It only led to me being more disgused and anxious to get away as well as the effect that had on my stomach.

I remember getting home and breaking down crying, begging not to have to go again. How could someone that was supposed to make me feel better make me feel so horrible? My Mum rang up to explain that I wouldn't be going again. That the session had done more harm than good. However he rang the house and said that I personally had to say that I no longer wanted to go. Meaning that even thouh I never wanted to speak to him again because of how upset he'd made me, I then had to speak to him. The sound of his voice actually made me shudder and my own voice was so quiet from not wanting to speak. For a while afterwards I kept fearing that I would see him somewhere, especially if I had hospital appointments. Of course then because you have refused treatment that was offered you are thought to be uncooperative and do not want to get better. I was lucky that I had the councellors at NCH though to help. There, all the rooms were cozy, and bright and had lots of toys, not that I needed them but as a place that is aimed at helping children this is always a good sign. I would always be offered a drink and my parents were always made to feel welcome not a part of the problem.

I have had other experiences with psyciatrists, which you can read about here and here, oh and here. This was the one experience that reading Karina's story really brought back though. Yet, it is nothing compared to what she is facing. To think that you are safe and in a caring environment and then to literally be snatched away from that is the stuff of nightmares. I dreamed for a while after refusing to see that psychiatrist about him finding me and locking me away but to know it's happening in real life and over and over again is horrific. Again more peope need to believe in Karina an believe in M.E. Please keep sharing my post about her and keep up to date through Facebook and Twitter. It is greatly appreciated.

I also wanted to share another story of misdiagnosis. Where a woman was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, when she was actually suffering from lung cancer http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9917862/Professor-dies-of-lung-cancer-after-doctors-dismiss-illness-as-purely.

Misdiagnosis and mistreatment of physical conditions as psychological or 'all in your head' is extremely dangerous.  Here is a link https://www.youtube.com/embed/j8gABEg-lJs to a video from the Coalition for Diagnostic Rights an organization helping those facing misdiagnosis.

There is a need for psychiatry but we need to make sure that the voices of those with physical conditions are not silenced and that they get the correct treatment. Not only to prevent physical conditions worsening but also creating deep 'real' psychological and emotional problems.

Have you had any experiences of being misdiagnosed? Or with psychiatry good or bad? Please share if you wish.

I salute you BBC 3

I have to say that I am impressed with the coverage that mental health is getting on the television lately. BBC 3 inparticular have been very active in showing a range of documentaries that show the range of people that mental health can effect. From celebrities to teenagers. Mental illness like any physical illness can affect anyone no matter what their circumstances. And yet it is still so taboo, so misunderstood. It's a dirty secret that gets swept under the carpet because it doesn't comply with the image of being 'capable.' But like with chronic illness how can anyone begin to understand it or understand someone that suffers from any form of mental health issue if it is ignored? I hasten to use the words to see mental illness in a good light because mental illness is a dark dark place. Perhaps what I mean is that these documentaries and the accounts of people that have suffered from a mental illness show the strong people behind these conditions. They show that they are 'normal'. That they are people not an illness and that through all the horrors that they face from the condition or in getting help they are strong and determined.

Recently I spoke to another ME and Fibromyalgia sufferer about how people often forget that we are more than an illness. We are still people. People with interests and passions, curiosities and complexities. We don't just suddenly stop being a person once we become ill and just become a hospital number. If anything we need things to hold onto even more. We certainly don't want to be sick, we want to relinquish the lives we had before or try to forge new memories and achievements.

And this is exactly the same for those with a mental illness. Only the biggest battle is with your own head. Part of you can say yes I'm going to live my life whilst the other slams that thought down at every opportunity. Telling you not to be so stupid that YOU could never do that. It is a betrayal by your own mind. It can be particularly difficult when there is nothing physically wrong. You have the 'ability' to live life but your head says no you can't. With a physical illness people will understand somewhat. Especially where medical evidence is obvious (ahem so not ME/CFS or fibro). But with a mental illness unless you know the signs it's hard to detect by others and the lack of comprehension, taboo and even disgust surrounding it drives it even more undercover.

Not long ago I watch a series on BBC 3 called 'Don't call me crazy' that filmed the daily goings on in a teenage mental health unit and yesterday I watched I watched a documentary called 'failed by the nhs.' The latter was presented by a young man, Jonny Benjamin, who had schiztophobia, a combination of schitzophrenia and depression. Before being diagnosed he had been to his GP and A&E a few times in a manic state and attempted suicide. He had gone there to desperately seek help. Scared that he didn't know what he was going to do. But he never got help. Only tranquilizers. On one occassion luckily his friends took him to A&E but they were asked whether he was simply being 'dramatic' or 'putting it on.' Which lets face it is shocking. Who would want to pretend to want to end their lives?

Unfortunately, Jonny found many more similar cases. It is stated that anyone presenting at A&E with a mental health issue should recieve a psychic evaluation. However many people don't. Even when they have been treated for the physical signs of mental distress such as self harm and even ligature marks. Others have been put straight onto anti depressants without any warning of the potential (and please note that word because different drugs work for different people) side effects. One man was put straight onto 60mg of fluoxitine or prozac as it is also known and the massive chemical overhaul in his body made him even worse. I have had good and bad experiences with fluoxitine. In my late teens it worked well but when I tried it again a few years ago I shook so much I thought I was having a fit. Luckily I knew that something just wasn't right and I was able to see a doctor who changed them and gave me tranquilizers to help me counteract the madness they were causing my body. Consider me lucky or unfortunately knowledgeable about these things.

Luckily any time I went to A&E with massive panic attacks I was able to see a psychiatrist. Although the wait was always long and distressing. A&E units are scary, noisy and manic places. You see you have to wait for a psychiatrist and a psychiatric nurse to become available from the psychiatric ward or unit. But understand this as in all wards at night there is only basic cover. Don't quote me on this but I'm sure there is only one psychiatrist on night shift, that is at the hospital I was at. So as you can imagine you can be in for a long wait, in which time your anxiety levels can rocket even more. I too have had doctors at an out of hours service dissmiss me as 'a tablet seeker' or 'young and has no need to be in distress.' Neglecting to even put the visit onto my record as it was 'of no concern.' It makes me angry just thinking about it. It was very very lucky that I knew better despite my added anxiety.

The stories presented in this documentary were shocking. They had basically had to rely on their own resilience to get them through and to find something within themselves that could stand the fight to want to get better. It is truly sad. You go and beg and beg for help because you are at your lowest ebb and often will not recieve it. If you went to A&E with a broken leg, it would be x-rayed and plastered and you would recieve crutches and advice to help you. But there is still such a quandry surrounding mental health (and chronic illness of course, don't worry not forgotten) despite it affecting 1 in 4 people.

Luckily a new act has been passed the health and social care act 2013, which lays out that mental health should be treated as equal to physical health and therefore hopefully it can recieve much more funding. This also gives me hope for chronic illness too. That more can be done to help understand illnesses such as ME/ CFS and Fibromyalgia. A cause. A cure would be bloody lovely.

I understand that so far I may have painted a poor picture of mental health services but there are positives. Like I said fortunately I did get to see a psychiatrist when I went to A&E. I've had some great GP's who actually knew the art of listening. All of which I've laid out in my post "ME and mental health". There are also some great charities who work tirelessly to advocate mental health in a positive light such as MIND and time to talk. When I was first diagnosed with ME I thought I'd really struggle mentally so I went to a local drop in ran by MIND and saw someone straight away. Just talking and expressing my fears was relieving. Unfortunately I never made it back there as sleep took over my life but I'm really grateful to them. So there is help out there. It's just a shame that what we would automatically assume is our first port of call to get help can sometimes be not very helpful at all and unless you know about other services then you can feel completely cut adrift. So spread the word folks. And BBC 3 I salute you.

Www.mind.org.uk here
Www.time-to-change.org.ukhere