Thursday, 21 November 2013

Catch up

Sorry it's been a while. I've been getting lot's of R&R after my birthday a couple of weeks ago. It's been a mixture of needing to rest and not having much choice but to rest as I keep falling asleep. It's not all been bad though. I've managed to get out to stock up on Christmas books, with my birthday money and to get a few more Christmas presents. So I have been trying to use my spoons wisely. Getting out if possible.

There's been some emotional issues and stresses that have been taking their toll as well, so I've been trying to be careful with myself. Recognising that emotional and psychological excertion is just as exhausting as physical excertion. Some of the stress has really taken it's toll on my body and left it rather out of sync, so again I've been trying to be good to myself. But this is where getting out has helped too as it stops me ruminating on matters and means I can divert my attention elsewhere. So getting out has been quite important, where possible of course. It's meant a bit more time in bed but that's not too much of a hassle. And all this together has meant a lack of blogging as I try to prioritise what needs to be done, which at times can still be difficult.

Anyway, I managed to get out for my birthday, so I was made up with that. As were my family. I had a wonderful time and felt very blessed. We went to a steakhouse but because my arms were a bit weak I needed to ask for help cutting it up (from family that is.) Unfortunately though the steak wasn't as good as they usually are and I actually found it quite difficult to eat. The chewing was actually making me feel quite tired. I should have probably stopped eating it but my conscience and appetite (woo appetite) said keep going. That night, one side of my face and head felt really sore and like a burning sensation. I took some pictures on my phone to see if there was any changes in my face. Fearing that I was having a stroke. The next day it developed into more of a headache, but also in my face, jaw and neck. It wasn't like a usual headache or a migraine type, and I had no oversensitivity to the light but it was like some kind of weight on my head, pressing down. Because of the pains I found it difficult to eat and drink. So chewy food, (of course you should always chew your food though) was out and drinking was strictly through a straw. Luckily I'd already swapped my breakfasts to porrige. It was also really painful cleaning my teeth. Sounds awful I know but at least I could reason it and I was still made up that I had managed to get out for my birthday.

I've also been experiencing much more aching in my neck and arms lately. My arms have been pretty weak too. I've needed to be fed much more frequently, as in someone feeding me not just giving me something to eat. I did try with my left hand as that seemed a bit stronger but I just ended up with mash potato all over me. Again I've been being careful with my choice of food so I can try and do as much for myself as possible. I've needed my Mum to clean my teeth for me too but it's best that they get done.

On a bigger note I made a big decision in deciding to sell my car last week. I've had my car for 10 years and we have had some adventures. She was my lifeline when I moved away for university at 18, as she got me home every weekend. Oh how I hated that place! I think the amount of miles I clocked up in those few months is testement to how right the decision to leave there was. But for the past few years she's mostly been sat on the drive and only getting to go out when I had VERY good days or my Dad drove her. It was becoming far too much money for something that I wasn't using. For a long time I could justify it by thinking that I'd hopefully be up to driving again soon, but even if I were I'd need someone with me and it's not just about the driving. It's the doing what you've gone out in the car for. All together that is far too much right now. My legs are too weak to be able to manage the pedals and fatigue too extreme. Plus there is the other set of wheels, known as my noble steed or wheelchair in my life now. And thank goodness for them for allowing me to get out and about when I'm feeling well enough.

Hopefully I'll be able to get back to my travel series soon. I have most of it written so it just needs typing. Plus plenty more posts in the pipeline. But for now I'm in need of much more r&r and tlc.

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